The Maniacal Ravings of a Desperate Man...

Sunday, January 12, 2014

The Upgrade (Part 1)

Downgraded

Verb: To reduce to a lower grade, rank, or level of importance

How have you been?
I haven’t seen you since last fall
Didn’t expect to run into you
And I haven’t missed you at all

Heard you’ve been through

Some events that have been trying

But no I don’t keep tabs on you

If that’s what you are implying

You seem to be going backwards

Thought you had come up for real

Didn’t think you’d look like this

Honestly what’s the deal?

Did your scheme not pan out?

Did he drop you like a dime?

Did he just up and bounce?

Like you did to me that time?

Was the sex not good enough?

I thought you had the bomb?

Is the honeymoon phase over?

Well at least you had a good run

Don’t mean to sound rude

But there’s something I gotta know

Did he finally find out…

That you used to be a ho?

So sorry if that sounded cruel

My curiosity got the best of me

You just seem so dejected

Please accept my apology

Didn’t mean to intrude

Why do you look so sad?

Here let me buy you a drink

You see it isn’t that bad…

Crushin'

Heartbeat

"This is more than a crush...:

There’s a pounding in my chest,

Got a lump in my throat

Cannot get you out of my head

Feels like I missed the boat

Saw you in the hallway…

And my heart skipped a beat

Felt like a silly schoolgirl

And you caught me trying to peep

I wonder where you are sometimes

If you are alone or with your boo

Can’t help having these thoughts

Actually, daydreams starring you

You have such a kind heart

And a sweet spirit to match

It’s so unfortunate for me

That you’re otherwise attached

I often get choked up

These emotions I have to hold in…

‘Cause I know you can’t be mine

So I’ll force a frown into a grin…

You see I really didn’t want to smile

But what else could I do

There wasn’t a chance for us in this lifetime

Nor in this world, well maybe on Earth-2

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Y.O.L.O

Wrote this for someone very close to me who was going through some things....

#YOLO

“Twice as bright, half as long…”

Take a good look

But don’t stare too long

I wanted to give you a final glance

At the person you did so wrong

Don’t try to speak

Words aren’t needed today

I’d never forgive your transgressions

There’s nothing left to say

Should have kept it 100

You had so many chances

Yet you squandered them all

By chasing multiple romances

You started catching feelings

And then you got scared

Ran back to your ex

Cause you thought they really cared

You don’t see it now

But time will reveal it

Exes are exes for a reason

Once you remember their bullshit

Funny how we think

We can have it in between…

You tried burning the candle at both ends

But it doesn’t last as long it seems…

I refused to be 2^nd place

Creeping in the dark like an apparition

Well this phantom is out of the shadows

After you made a whack decision

You tried not to burn this bridge

By running a weak ass game

But now You Officially Lost Out

Damn…what a shame

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Milestones

Still Standing...

"You shouldn't ask questions you really don't want the answers to..."

Today is my Pearl Harbor, 9/11, day that will live in infamy etc... However I must take the time to reflect on the past 3 years of my life. When I think of the person I was 3 years ago on this day I shudder. I can't believe how much I've changed. I believe this change was for the better. I used to be so constrained, so confused. I was in bondage and didn't know it. I was being played for the fool and didn't know it. I've affectionately described this as being in the Matrix. However I decided on this day to take the red pill instead of the blue one. And after making that choice, my life fundamentally changed.

Oftentimes we have these choices to make. I call them Life Changing Events (LCEs). Once you have a LCE you have two choices. You can let it defeat you and keep you down, or you can let it galvanize you and propel you to make the hard choices that put you out of your comfort zone. My advice is simple. Don't harp on the bad things. Allow yourself time to grieve, heal and to recover. Things happen for a reason. Everything has purpose and meaning. Allow yourself to go with the flow.

Sometimes we try to hold on to those things that aren't worth the trouble. We fall into a rut and would rather deal with less than we deserve just because of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone and fear of what others think. Don't allow yourself to fall victim to fear. One thing I've learned is that once you face your greatest fear, you have nothing left to fear. You will feel so empowered and nothing will scare you again.

When you are able to tap into that inner strength and use it you will surprise yourself. You will be amazed at how much simpler everything becomes. Things just work out and you will be all the better for it. Remember when one door closes another one opens. We do not have to just accept the things that happen to us. We all have reason and purpose for being here. When you realize this you will be so much happier. Remember..

We don't always change the world sometimes it changes us. And oftentimes the changes are for the better. We just have to be open and willing to accept the changes. However, most times change isn't easy...

I'm done... I'm never going to revisit this day again as a tragic event. From now on I'll view it as an emancipation. Better yet a new beginning. This process has been my trial by fire... This day shall forever be remembered as the day the old me died and the new me rose from the ashes anew.

My future has never been brighter, my will is stronger than ever, and the past is and shall remain just that...THE PAST. I'm good with the person I've become. So I'll say it again. I'm done with the dreadful memories this day represents. Enjoy life, love those who are close to you. Don't waste time on those who do not. Step out on faith and take a chance once in awhile.

I'm so over it. Maybe next year I'll throw a party to celebrate...

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Long Term Sub

The Surrogate

“I’m no hero… never was…never will be…” –Solid Snake MS4

What becomes of a man

Who get stripped of his role?

Didn’t know I was a stand in

I wasn’t even told…

It was all a lie…

An evil plot it seemed

The worst type of deception

A long nightmarish dream

I was sold snake oil

Setup to be something I was not

Was told it would all work out

Such a fiendish plot

It was carefully designed

Such an uncomplicated plan

The tricky part was finding

A very ignorant man

So then I was profiled

It was so easy to start

This was only because

I looked perfectly for the part

You see I fit the bill

Was so easy to deceive the world

Would have worked even better

If she had borne a girl

But DNA didn’t pass

And a female child didn’t materialize

Could have been validation

But that wasn’t the surprise…

You never wanted the first one

You just needed a pawn

Someone to stand guard for you

While you danced til dawn

And I did just that

A perfect patsy for awhile

But look at me now

Freedom makes me smile

Thought it was permanent but

Was only a long term sub…

Who lost many youthful years of life,

And therein lies the Rub…

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Musing

With You (Musing)

"When I’m with you…”

I want you…

It’s something I must say

I want to spend all my time

With you, every minute of the day

I miss you…

It’s something I must admit

I miss feeling your touch

With you, every caress is a benefit

I need you…

It’s something I must convey

I need to be in your presence

With you, every second takes my breath away

I love you…

It’s something I’m reluctantly expressing

I love the way you make me feel

With you, every moment is a blessing

I thank you…

It’s something I’ll continue to do

I’m thankful for much in my life

But most of all for being with you…

Monday, April 8, 2013

T.R.O.Y.

Had to say goodbye to a good friend of mine today. He once said I had a gift, well this one for you T-Mac....

Mistakes…

What becomes of a man,

Once he has made a mistake?

Does he learn from this experience,

Or does he suffer another heartbreak?

His past cannot be altered,

But his mistakes are something to review…

He can learn from past mistakes,

And start off tomorrow anew…

But without a clear conscience,

And with a troubled mind,

His search for love and understanding,

Is very difficult to find…

He travels down life’s twisted road,

In order to meet his fate,

Searching for love and peace of mind,

While trying to avoid any further mistakes…