Milestones

Still Standing...

"You shouldn't ask questions you really don't want the answers to..."


Today is my Pearl Harbor, 9/11, day that will live in infamy etc... However I must take the time to reflect on the past 3 years of my life. When I think of the person I was 3 years ago on this day I shudder. I can't believe how much I've changed.  I believe this change was for the better. I used to be so constrained, so confused. I was in bondage and didn't know it. I was being played for the fool and didn't know it. I've affectionately described this as being in the Matrix.  However I decided on this day to take the red pill  instead of the blue one.  And after making that choice, my life fundamentally changed.

Oftentimes we have these choices to make. I call them Life Changing Events (LCEs). Once you have a LCE you have two choices. You can let it defeat you and keep you down, or you can let it galvanize you and propel you to make the hard choices that put you out of your comfort zone.  My advice is simple. Don't harp on the bad things.  Allow yourself time to grieve, heal and to recover.  Things happen for a reason. Everything has purpose and meaning.  Allow yourself to go with the flow.

Sometimes we try to hold on to those things that aren't worth the trouble.   We fall into a rut and  would rather deal with less than we deserve just because of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone and fear of what others think. Don't allow yourself to fall victim to fear.  One thing I've learned is that once you face your greatest fear, you have nothing left to fear. You will feel so empowered and nothing will scare you again.

When you are able to tap into that inner strength and use it you will surprise yourself. You will be amazed at how much simpler everything becomes. Things just work out and you will be all the better for it. Remember when one door closes another one opens. We do not have to just accept the things that happen to us. We all have reason and purpose for being here. When you realize this you will be so much happier.  Remember..

We don't always change the world sometimes it changes us. And oftentimes the changes are for the better. We just have to be open and willing to accept the changes. However, most times change isn't easy...

I'm done... I'm never going to revisit this day again as a tragic event. From now on I'll view it as an emancipation. Better yet a new beginning. This process has been my trial by fire... This day shall forever be remembered as the day the old me died and the new me rose from the ashes anew.

My future has never been brighter, my will is stronger than ever, and the past is and shall remain just that...THE PAST. I'm good with the person I've become. So I'll say it again. I'm done with the dreadful memories this day represents.  Enjoy life, love those who are close to you. Don't waste time on those who do not. Step out on faith and take a chance once in awhile.

I'm so over it. Maybe next year I'll throw a party to celebrate...

Long Term Sub

The Surrogate

“I’m no hero… never was…never will be…” –Solid Snake MS4

What becomes of a man

Who get stripped of his role?

Didn’t know I was a stand in

I wasn’t even told…

It was all a lie…

An evil plot it seemed

The worst type of deception

A long nightmarish dream

I was sold snake oil

Setup to be something I was not

Was told it would all work out

Such a fiendish plot

It was carefully designed

Such an uncomplicated plan

The tricky part was finding

A very ignorant man

So then I was profiled

It was so easy to start

This was only because

I looked perfectly for the part

You see I fit the bill

Was so easy to deceive the world

Would have worked even better

If she had borne a girl

But DNA didn’t pass

And a female child didn’t materialize

Could have been validation

But that wasn’t the surprise…

You never wanted the first one

You just needed a pawn

Someone to stand guard for you

While you danced til dawn

And I did just that

A perfect patsy for awhile

But look at me now

Freedom makes me smile

Thought it was permanent but

Was only a long term sub…

Who lost many youthful years of life,

And therein lies the Rub…

Copyright © GL21 6/16/2013

Musing

With You (Musing)

"When I’m with you…”

I want you…

It’s something I must say

I want to spend all my time

With you, every minute of the day

I miss you…

It’s something I must admit

I miss feeling your touch

With you, every caress is a benefit

I need you…

It’s something I must convey

I need to be in your presence

With you, every second takes my breath away

I love you…

It’s something I’m reluctantly expressing

I love the way you make me feel

With you, every moment is a blessing

I thank you…

It’s something I’ll continue to do

I’m thankful for much in my life

But most of all for being with you…

Copyright © GL21 2013

T.R.O.Y.

Had to say goodbye to a good friend of mine today. He once  said I had a gift, well this one for you T-Mac....

Mistakes…

What becomes of a man,

Once he has made a mistake?

Does he learn from this experience,

Or does he suffer another heartbreak?

His past cannot be altered,

But his mistakes are something to review…

He can learn from past mistakes,

And start off tomorrow anew…

But without a clear conscience,

And with a troubled mind,

His search for love and understanding,

Is very difficult to find…

He travels down life’s twisted road,

In order to meet his fate,

Searching for love and peace of mind,

While trying to avoid any further mistakes…

Copyright © GL21 2013 (Original draft: 8/24/1993)

Friend Zone (AKA Box #3)

UNTITLED#4

I didn't mean for you to find out

Not in this way

I had hoped you'd notice my actions

And all the things I’d say

I did want to tell you

I was just waiting for the right time

But when it seemed like I was losing you,

I damn near lost my mind

I knew I had to react

It was now or never

And after being faced with loneliness again

I'd rather that we get together

So I swallowed my pride...

And took several chances,

Hoping and praying....

You would follow my advances

But it seems that your view of me

Is not the same as mine of you

Where I see the only one for me

...you see just a friend, true blue

We've known each other

For quite some time

But I never thought

I would want you to be mine.

Copyright © GL21 03/26/2013

Back To The Future...

Do Over…

"Now where is that flux capacitor...”

I think I'll use a lifeline

Maybe I'll phone a friend

There are things I need to undo

Somebody please give me a mulligan

Should've use that free spin

Or maybe a bonus stack

Should've cashed in my chips sooner

Before betting it all on black

I think I picked the wrong horse

I was one number off the mark

Should've trusted my gut instincts

Instead of following my heart

Should have went left

Instead of going straight

Shouldn't have took that last gamble

And now i realize it's too late

Someone please give me a redo

There are some things I want to change

Never pictured life would be like this

It’s driving me insane…

No matter how much I hope and pray

I won't get that chance again

Guess I can stop expecting

Doc Brown to pull up in that DeLorean

Copyright ©GL21  12/31/2012 

Untitled #2

UNTITLED#2

I can’t hold them in’

They’re bound to escape

These feelings that I have

Their power is too great

This time I knew

You would not break my heart

But strange situations arose

That drove us further and further apart

When I wanted to be with you

People seemed to interfere

That it probably why

You are not with me here

It wasn’t our fault

There were things we could not control

Like the other people who were involved

And our love they oppose

Maybe you are still upset

And probably mad

But you may never understand how it hurts

To have lost the chances I’ve had

So I play it off now

But I can only disguise

The pain that i feel

…within the sadness of my eyes.

Copyright © GL21  2011